Three Reasons Our R’ship Just “Works”
Rick and I have known one another for quite some time.
…Actually, almost 10 years.
In the beginning, we tried to date, but it only lasted a few weeks. As he describes it, “Shiri, it was like you were a Lamborghini, and I didn’t even know where to put in the gas....”.
I find that quote quite flattering (hype me, baby), but it just basically speaks to the fact that we were at two different places in our lives, on top of being in our mid-20s, which comes with new & exciting challenges of its own.
But lo, and behold, here we are, many years later, ENGAGED to be married, and we couldn’t be more excited! We have learned and grown so much over the years, and God has given us the green light to join in union. It’s a great feeling!
Nov 14, 2019: the day Rick & I got engaged. This was also the restaurant where we had our first date, way back in 2011.
Here are 3 reasons why our relationship just works:
Reason #1
We are literally best friends
I remember when I used to talk to older couples that had been married for quite some time. There were those that would give out long sighs when talking about their marriage (run away AS FAST AS YOU CAN FROM THOSE PEOPLE- real talk). Then there were the people that would smile and tell me that they’ve been married 25, 35, even 40 years! I would always ask them what they felt the key ingredient was to their successful marriage, and the general answer was always this:
“My spouse is my best friend.”
When I was in my 20s, I literally had no clue how this could be possible: how could I ever like a guy so much that they could be my best friend, or how exactly is that supposed to work? My best friend is Lauren, and I don’t want to marry her, so.... *shrug*. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I know that sounds silly, but maybe some of you all have had the same sentiments.
But with Rick, it’s different. He actually IS my best friend. There is nothing that we can’t talk about. I’m 100% myself with him, no façade or qualms about it. I get to be my naturally fun, weird, ever-evolving self with him, and he’s just fine with it (...actually enjoys it). I have never, EVER, in my life, been with someone in which we share SO many late-night laughs together to the point that our bellies are sore. We enjoy doing any and everything together- even going grocery shopping. Any activity that we can share together, we will!
We also take time to share things that are special to us with one another. My fiancé is a DEVOUT Carolina Panthers fan (bless his heart), so he has bought me plenty of Panthers shirts, and we now go and watch games together. I enjoy historical documentaries, and now Rick will not only watch them with me, but enjoys them (sometimes), too.
It’s fun to be with each other.
Reason #2
We share common values and goals
I do believe that “opposites can attract”, but I definitely feel that the thing that makes people compatible are shared beliefs.
Rick and I have different backgrounds. We grew up with different family dynamics. He grew up in a more military-styled household with strict guidelines, and I grew up in a more touchy-feely, “let’s talk about our emotions today” home.
Very different right??
But guess what- it still works for us! Although our rearing varied, we share some commonalities: we are both Southern.
Now, some people may not understand what that means, but if you’re Southern, You understand! We both grew up in the church, and KNOW what 1st Sundays mean (baptisms and communion). We automatically implement “yes ma’am, no sir” vernacular in deemed settings, and anyone that even HINTS of being 20+ years our senior is getting a “Ms.”/ “Mr.” added to the first part of their name.
Don’t mind us- it’s just a Southern thang!
Another common value that we share is that we BOTH have a giving spirit. If you, too are this type of person, I cannot express how IMPORTANT it is to have a partner that either understands/ accepts this, or is the same way. One thing that we have agreed on is that if the Spirit ever compels is to help someone, the other person will never question the action. We personally feel that we have been so blessed by the Almighty, and because of such, we are CHARGED to pour into and help others- either by assisting them in discovering their gifts, or sharing our resources. We do these actions with much discernment, and recognize that:
we are blessed because we continue to be a blessing to others.
Reason #3
We challenge one another to be our best
Now, of course, the first 2 points seem like all rainbows and butterflies, right? You may have even been rolling your eyes as you read through it (😂)... and that’s ok! But this next reason isn’t so pretty. This is the part that not a lot of people will not talk about.... These are the times that bring about disagreements and discomfort. This is the very part in which I openly say that sometimes RICK AND I CANNOT STAND EACH OTHER.
Have you ever heard of the phrase, “Iron sharpens iron”? Well, this is what’s happening during these “I cant stand you” times.
We are calling each other out on our sh*t.
And yes- it’s frustrating at times to hear from someone that the way you’ve been doing something for 30+ years is completely intolerable. But this is where trust comes in. Rick and I understand that this is a lifetime that we’re signing up for, and entering a covenant with God. We are not only making a vow to be our best selves to each other, but we are promising the Almighty that we will work as a team for the rest of our days.
Now, what machine works well if it’s not well- oiled, or there’s a kink in some of the chains??
What I’m saying here is one of the reasons that we just “work’ is that we aren’t afraid to challenge one another to be our best selves. We see things in one another- untapped greatness- and we push and encourage each other to reach uncharted territory.
It’s a challenge, and sometimes involves a bit of quarreling, but because we refuse to give up on ourselves and each other,
IT WORKS.
Phew!
I feel like I’ve just given a sermon here (🤣), but I hope that it was at least insightful.
Before I go, I will say this: most things that you see on tv about love are unrealistic. You will argue, you will go hours without speaking, and you may not even like the person some days (again, 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣).
But the BEST part about being with your lifelong love is that you know that at least you don’t like each other TOGETHER (😂). It’s a forever type of bond.
Also, if I were to give any advice, it’d be to:
create your own normal by your own standards.
What may be ideal for one couple may not work for you all, and vice versa.
Enjoy the journey, and just HAVE FUN.